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[redarm]

Noah Campbell

"This is Noah. Leave a message."

COGNAC | X | X | X

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[redarm]

[He pauses as well.]

Uh shit...

I've seen this before. You gotta crack open the eggs in a separate bowl and separate the yolks from the rest. Maybe- put the yolks in a separate bowl and toss one out?

[appraiser]

[ Adviser, be more confident! Ryoji sets two bowls out on the counter top. Slides them before Noah. And hands him an egg. ]

Chefs crack eggs with one hand, don't they?

[ Unvoiced: maybe teach me?
Also unvoiced: it's okay, we have three dozen eggs to practice with. ]

[redarm]

[.....]

You bought three dozen eggs without knowing how to crack them?

[the fuck dude]

[appraiser]

Not neatly! You sound like you know how to do it neatly.

[redarm]

That makes me worried about how you do it...

[He sighs. Fine. He'll take the egg and tap it against the bowl edge until it cracks. He's not really a cook, but he's made enough omelets and scramble eggs to know how to crack one, so he does it pretty smoothly with his one hand.]

There. And then you just...spoon out the yolk. I think.

[appraiser]

[ Cracking eggs is tricky business, where you can't be too delicate or the outer membrane will keep it held together, not can you be too rough or the yolk will break and you'll get egg everywhere. Noah's egg cracking suggests to Ryoji that his egg cracking skills are at least one level higher than his, so he nods in serious concurrence. And hands him the spoon.

His intention of doing things himself has dropped off a steep cliff. ]

[redarm]

[DAMMIT RYOJI...

He stares at the spoon a moment before he reaches to grab it with a "tch" sound. Then he does his best to scoop up the yolk. It's a bit clumsy, but there he goes. He dumps the yolk into the other bowl]

There. Your turn.

[YOU GONNA LEARN TODAY]

[appraiser]

[ Why are they taking turns when Noah is supposed to be doing everything for him? Ryoji's reluctant to take his turn, but alright, fine— the egg is cracked on the flat of the counter top instead of the edge of the bowl, and then very very swiftly moved over the bowl with minimal but not negligible egg loss onto the counter during the transfer. But he has the benefit of two hands to steady and tilt the bowl while he fishes the yolk back out, and he passes everything back to Noah. ]

Cooking is... kind of mundane, isn't it? [ All they've done is crack eggs. He thought it'd be more exciting, like how chefs on television are always smiling and chipper. ]

[redarm]

[GOOD TRY. With Ryoji cracking the egg, he'll go for another]

Uh, yeah? What did you expect?

[appraiser]

Like those cooking shows where chefs make a full course meal, dessert, and two types of paired wine in forty minutes.

[ His expectations... ]

[redarm]

[...Okay, that makes him snort a little]

Mate, you know those things are very edited right?

[appraiser]

Yes, but. Have you seen it before, where in the time it takes to prepare a baked dish, they stick one pan into the oven and pull out the other: Done! [ hands in the air, possibly some eggshell ] It's magic. That's what I imagined cooking to be like.

[redarm]

[And now he's snickering some. Good job Ryoji. You actually made him laugh]

That's theater tricks, Ryoji. The baked dish in the oven was already in there when they started filming.

Real cooking's a lot slower.

[appraiser]

[ What. What? Ryoji looks a smidge offended, not at the laughter but this is his world view crumbling down on his head, why ]

It's reality television. They can't lie to the audience.

[redarm]

[....]

You're not serious, right?

[appraiser]

I'm pretty serious. They have live audience shows too. It can't be a trick.

[redarm]

[He stares for a moment, not even sure how to respond.]

....Wow.

[appraiser]

[ Ryoji needs a response to respond to! He falls quiet, trying to make a judgement on what Noah might be thinking, but he can't so... he goes ahead and cracks that third egg like there's absolutely nothing wrong with his beliefs. ]

Is that a good wow or a bad wow?

[redarm]

It's a...I dunno.

[He makes a "ha" in just disbelief]

It's just...a lot of that stuff is faked, or there's short cuts- even with a large audience. Like, fuck I dunno, ever seen a magician perform?

[appraiser]

Yes! I've seen street magicians pull coins out of my ear, and make bills disappear from my wallet, and correctly guess the cards I choose from a deck!

[ Noah, no, don't ruin magic shows for him too... ]

[redarm]

[...........This may be the most gullible person he's ever met. My God]

Right. Uh.

....Same kind of magic?

[appraiser]

So, like real magic. [ Like that's not a contradiction in itself ] ...Do you not believe in magic, Noah? Luke didn't either, and I had a hard time convincing him that it's real.

[ Which is silly, because Luke is 12 and magic is totally real, okay? ]

[redarm]

[He rubs the back of his head]

No, not really.

[Any childhood wonder Noah had was taken out back and shot years ago ok]

[appraiser]

[ He's shocked! and affronted! enough to pushes the sadly neglected bowl of eggs to the side and face Noah ]

Forget the soufflé; we need to go to a magic clubhouse for you to experience real magic. I'm sure there's one somewhere around Recollé, and they might even serve soufflés.

[redarm]

-- What.